She Really Loves Me

I thought school would be the thing to finally wear Baby out.  She has always been my night owl/early bird and I felt for sure that school would improve her sleeping patterns.  Unfortunately, that has not been the case thus far.  Bright and early Thursday morning as I was trying to wake up in the shower a sweet little face poked through the door and said "Can you help me with my uniform mom?"

Waking up extra early leads to a lot of down time so while Boogie rushed around to get ready in time Baby drew pictures for everyone.  The one above was for me.  She told me it was me with hearts all around me so I remember she loves me.  Melt a mean mommy's heart!!

I have to keep reminding myself that Baby is an internal processor.  While Boogie emotes and usually lets me know right where she is at, Baby tends to keep it inside.  I have been paying more attention to her cues and I think she definitely misses me more than she is letting on.  Anytime I am on the floor, she is right there either on my lap or hanging on my back.  It is driving me a bit crazy but I know she is just trying to soak me up so I have been indulging her and giving her lots of hugs. 

I remember going through this a bit with Boogie at first too. Boogie and I used to have a 20 minute "cuddle time" right when she got home from school.  I'm not sure Baby would actually enjoy 20 minutes of it so I will just sneak it in when I can because she clearly needs it.

Today when we got home Baby was in tears about everything.  I think she has finally reached tiredness.  Maybe we will actually get to sleep in tomorrow!

Even though she is tired, Baby did have a great first week.  The teacher assistant told me that Baby is very well behaved and is doing great.  The only snafu has been uniform related.  I sent her in a skirt this morning.  It had a side zipper and a belt made from the same material that tied.  She looked adorable but I was slightly concerned that she would have problems with it in the bathroom.  I made sure she could get everything undone herself and I told her if she had problems to ask a teacher to help her.

She may or may not have walked out of the bathroom with her skirt down saying that her zipper was pinching her.  The teacher couldn't remember if it was her or not.  Baby swears she didn't and that she did need some help but her skirt was on.  Boogie heard a rumor from one of her friends that she walked out needing help.  Needless to say, Baby will be wearing dresses for a while!!  They are much easier for these sorts of things. (moms of girls...something to remember when you send your girls off to kindergarten! ha ha)

All in all, she has done great!



Late Monday night, I was holding my sweet boy while he slept when I suddenly had a flashback.  I tend to trigger memories very easily and strongly through smells and the smell of hospital scented Bunny took me back to our first days together in the NICU.  I felt the strong emotions of those first days for only a millisecond and then realized that we have come so far. 

I thought back to how afraid I was of him and all his wires and quirks and all the unknown.  And here I was sitting with my brave strong boy who just flew through his surgery with ease and I was maneuvering the wires like an old pro.

I thought about how I was afraid I wouldn't love him and how ridiculous that was because I couldn't love him any more if I tried.

I thought about how I was so worried that he wouldn't connect with me as his mom and be calmed by my presence in the way that my other children do.   As he came to the other night he was instantly calmed when I was able to hold him.  He wrapped his little chubby arms around me and settled back to a drowsy peaceful sleep.  I am without a doubt...his momma.

I remember I read a blog in the hospital that had a bunch of pictures of a boy with down syndrome and the mom had said that she didn't see the down syndrome anymore.  I had looked at the pictures and thought "Well I do".  But I get what she means 100% now.  I truly don't see down syndrome when I look at my son.  I just see my boy with his bright blue eyes and his huge smile of sunshine.  The features that are his because he has an extra chromosome don't look like down syndrome when I look at him. They just look like the familiar features of my son who I love with my whole heart.

First Day of School!

I was afraid Baby would never go to sleep last night.  She has been waiting for this day ever since the morning we dropped Boogie off for her first day of school.  She was not nervous at all.

I didn't cry when I dropped Boogie off for the first time but I honestly didn't trust myself because of my emotional week.  I may have teared up once or twice but because I knew that Baby wasn't worried or scared it made it easier on me.  The only time she got nervous was when she had to go stand in line.  I walked through the intimidating sea  of parents and children with her and showed her right where to stand.  Once she saw her teachers she was fine.

After the morning assembly outside, I quickly wheeled the boys over to the door of her classroom like Baby and I used to do so we could say goodbye to Boogie.  She came walking up holding hands with her bestie looking perfectly happy.  When I tried to give her a hug her bestie said "You need to say goodbye AT the door".  Hilarious.  I asked her to please remind Baby of the rules today and keep her in line.

Baby did not even turn to give me once last smile at the door.  She just walked right in. When I asked her if she missed me today she gave me a token "Yes this much" and then made the tiny sign with her fingers.  I honestly doubt she even missed me that much.  She's so independent!

Baby had a great day and said she loved school.  When Auntie called to ask her how her day was she said "It was good but I didn't learn to read today?" Apparently she thought they would hit the ground running!

She also requested that I please make her a hand drawn note for her lunchbox tomorrow (I sent a cute card) and then she told me what it should say.  I better get on that!  Maybe if I make it extra nice she will think about old mom for a second while she eats lunch! Ha!

Boogie had her first day of second grade.  While she is already less enthusiastic about school I think she had a good day.  She was in a great mood when she got home and that's usually a good indication.  I have to say that Boogie had this whole outfit laid out perfectly last night...including accessories.  She is such a planner! 

She also got a little nervous when it was time to find her line.  Once she found her friends she was fine.  I had told her that I wouldn't be able to walk her to class and I had to say goodbye at the line but once I said goodbye to Baby, my mom (who could never miss the first day of school)  told me I should run to the classroom and say goodbye.

I pushed through the throng of parents and got to the door to find her sitting in her seat like a little angel.  I called her name and she turned around, rolled her eyes (Moooom...so embarrassing!) and then ran over and gave me a quick but fierce hug.  She may have been slightly embarrassed but I know she appreciated the gesture.  At least I didn't chase her through the playground with my big stroller screaming her name like last year!

My day was honestly a slice of heaven.  I felt like I was on vacation with just the boys!  And nap time....oh delicious nap time!  Peace and quiet!  You know how nice it feels to clean up during nap time and have it stay that way for two hours? 

I am so proud of my girls!  I can't believe that I have two kids in school.  Before I know it, it will be the boy's turn!


Not Pneumonia

I may have mentioned that I was not convinced that Bunny had pneumonia.  On Monday morning he was doing the weird wincing thing again.  When I changed his diaper I noticed a huge lump in his groin area and when I felt it he screamed in pain.  I decided to call the advice nurse (who probably rolls her eyes when she hears it's me).  She consulted with the Dr and said it was probably a lymph node.  She said it would be the size of a pea.  I told her it was the size of a cherry.  She called me back in a few minutes and said come right in.

The Dr looked at it while Bunny screamed (and the other kids freaked out because their brother was being hurt) and then decided we should get an ultrasound.  He kindly asked if I had someone who could watch the kids because it could take awhile.  The Dr office is 40 minutes from my house and the hospital is too.  I called my mom and begged her to come home from work so I could drop the kids at her house.  Thank God for moms!!!

The ultrasound tech (who was a twin herself) said "Oh it's his testicle"  What!!??

Here is that background: Bunny was born with an undescended testicle.  The first urologist wanted to do surgery at a year but I didn't like him so I asked for a new one who requested an ultrasound because he couldn't feel the testicle at all.  The ultrasound showed no sign of testicle so we assumed either he didn't have one on that side or that it was way high up and we knew that he would have to have an exploratory surgery at a later date.

So as you can imagine, I was quite surprised that it finally made its appearance.  But even I could tell something was wrong with it because it had two dark areas.  The tech took the images to a Dr and then told us to wait for a call from our Dr.

My Dr called and said we needed to head over to the ER because he wanted surgery done right away because he suspected that Bunny had a twisted testicle.  As I checked in to the ER the ER doctor came in and low and behold it was the same Dr from our previous emergency room visit (at a hospital miles away).  Had I been less stressed out, I might have given her a little lecture on listening to the concerns of mothers but I just let his story do the talking.  I was not thrilled she was there but I knew she wouldn't do the surgery anyway.

Hours later, the Urologist came in and as he introduced himself I had a strong suspicion he was the Dr that performed Daddy's surgery and had made some very chauvinistic remarks to him.  He ignored Bunny (I think because he was a baby not because of the DS) and was pretty rude.  I was nervous.

When they came to get Bunny I was starting to really freak out.  As the team introduced themselves to me I recognized a familiar face and the Urologist told me that Dr H, who was the Pediatric surgeon was going to assist.  I breathed a sigh of relief because the man I recognized was the surgeon who did a small surgery on Baby when she was 6 months old.  He was the nicest man and I felt very comfortable with him so I knew Bunny would be okay.  Thank God for all the prayers of my friends and family!

I handed Bunny over and walked quickly down the hallway in tears.  I know that many many children go into surgery for far scarier and more dangerous things but when your child is going under for any reason it is terrifying.  I have heard that Anesthesiology can be trickier on kids with low tone so I had grilled the Anesthesiologist about what precautions he was taking.  And then I waited.

And honestly I was scared but I also felt peace.  I know SO MANY people were praying for us and I could definitely feel it.

An hour later the urologist came out and said that he was fine and that the testicle had been twisted 2x and that he had to remove it.  I think he felt bad but honestly...we didn't think he would ever had one so I was just glad he was okay.

They took my what??

They did keep us an extra night because Bunny sounded very crusty after the surgery.  His oxygen sat was a little low at first last night but once he settled down he was okay.  This morning he woke up his little chipper self.  He does seem to have some tenderness but he actually seems in less pain than before so I am relieved.

My other babies were troopers.  I had the van with the carseats at the hospital so once Bunny was out of surgery, Grandma came and stayed with him while I went to her house and dropped off the van for Daddy and nursed Buddy.  When we got home today Buddy nursed for an hour straight.  He missed his mom!  And the girls missed their Ice Cream Social night before school starts tomorrow but I have awesome friends who were getting the details of classes and teachers for me and I think we can drop by later and meet the teachers.

Lesson learned....make the Drs give you an explanation for an unexplained symptom.  Bunny's pediatrician agrees with me that he never had pneumonia but he says the twisted testicle would have been hard to pick up on since we all thought it was non existant!

I have no idea why my poor Bunny had to go through this but I am just so glad everything is okay and we can all get back to normal now.  Tomorrow is the first day of school!!  I have a lot to do!


Fun with Sons

Last week I took the girls to church and Daddy stayed with the boys who were getting over a cold (Although apparently not completely getting over!).  This week I stayed home and Daddy took the girls.  The boys and I had a lazy morning which included some fun hanging out in their room...while sneaking in some Bunny therapy of course!

Bunny and I have been using the mirror a lot for imitation and speech.  He loves to babble to himself and he LOVES to admire himself in the mirror.  Buddy likes to steal the show from time to time as well.

Notice Buddy hugging the teddy bear in the background

Buddy mostly entertains himself.  Today he played the flute for awhile and then baby-ed Mr Bear.

Bunny does this new thing that just cracks Daddy and me up.  He does surprised face while gasping.  He gets that he is doing it and waits for you to laugh.  It is the funniest thing!

Put in
Take out
We played lots of Peek a Boo.  That's a favorite around here....

Jealous face!!  Buddy was sitting on my lap and Bunny was not happy about that!

We read our favorite books.  Well, the boys looked at them and I recited them from memory.

Today was just a taste of next week when both girls will be in school all day.  I am going to have so much one on one time with these guys.  How am I ever going to get anything done?  Who would want to do housework or anything productive when you could do this all day?

And that is Bunny's sign for food and his signal that he was done!  What a fun morning!

Well That was Scary!

Friday morning I woke up at 5am because Bunny was screaming in his crib.  Bunny never wakes up grumpy so I was very concerned.  I got him up and tried to soothe him.  He nursed a little but he kept wincing and moaning.  I thought it was probably his teeth and brought him downstairs for some teething tablets and advil.  That seemed to take the edge off a bit so I assumed I was right about the teeth.  He had no fever and didn't seem to be snotty at all.

Of course Friday was the day I was having a big playdate at my house.  I had two friends coming from out of town and another coming from over the hill.  Bunny was grumpy but he didn't have a fever and I didn't think he was contagious.  I just put him in the Boba and on we went (heavily caffeinated of course!).

The house filled up with people and I tried to enjoy myself but I was worried about Bunny.  I had already made an early afternoon Dr appt for him but as he was getting more and more lethargic I decided I just needed to take him to Urgent Care.  My girlfriends agreed and took over the house and the kids and off I went.  I was in tears by the time I got to the hospital because I was so worried.  Bunny was so floppy and just not very responsive.

Once we got in a "room" they wanted to take some blood.  I knew Bunny was not very hydrated because he had not nursed in hours.  They tried 3 or 4 times to get a vein with no success.  It was so horrible.  Both of us were crying.  I finally told them to stop and let me nurse him.  After he nursed they did an X-ray of his lungs.  He fell asleep for awhile and then they came in to try again for the blood.  I wanted to tell them to get lost but I really wanted to know his white blood count too.  He had been wincing all morning and that made me nervous and I just wanted to make sure all the counts were good.

I knew where he had a good vein from our blood draw at 6 months and I told them were it was but the first nurses ignored my advice.  This time a lady with a VIP tag came in and she found a good vein.  Guess where it was?  Even though she found it the man nurse who tried to find it could not get the needle in there and they tortured my poor boy for a few minutes while I furiously prayed that they could just find it already and get the blood!!!  The "VIP" lady finally took over and after another few attempts and more of my begging to God we got the blood.  What an ordeal!!!

A few hours after our entrance the Dr on duty came in with a diagnosis of pneumonia.  I was actually shocked because the white blood count came back normal and he had no fever.  They gave him shots of antibiotics in his legs and an hour later we left.  In the car Bunny was already perking up and talking to himself in the mirror.

The whole thing was very weird to me.  I wasn't convinced he had pneumonia because of the lack of signs and yet the whole lethargy thing had been really scary so clearly something had been going on.  My main thought was what would it look like if had full blown pneumonia???  My mom and I came to the conclusion that he had a "perfect storm" going on.  Perhaps, the beginnings of pneumonia along with teething and some ear pain....coupled with an early morning and being very tired caused things to just go haywire.

The next morning he woke at 6 (without tears) and was signing "food" furiously.  He was back to his babbling pleasant self.  We had a visit with his pediatrician's office at 9 and the doctor said if I had brought him in like he was she would not have given him anything.  She did request a look at the x-ray and decided that there was definitely something on the x-ray so she gave us antibiotics for 3 days.

Besides a junky cough that has come on since the antibiotics he is acting like a happy boy and I'm quite relieved!!  Although the timing of everything was a complete bummer for me (I missed my friends whole visit!) it was also nice because my kids were well taken care of while I dealt with everything.

I'm just thankful that we caught everything early and that my boy is okay!


My Life in Pictures


Baby Turns 5

It's late and I should be heading to bed.  For some reason, I keep procrastinating bedtime and I have been paying for it this week!  Tonight as I walked around turning off lights I realized I never blogged about Baby's birthday.  I have been taking a break from blogging in order to cram every last minute of fun that I can into our summer.  Every minute after the kids go to bed I am cleaning and working.  No fun. 

But back to Baby.  She turned 5 last week.  Things worked out that her cousins were going to be in town that day so we all headed out the to amusement park and the kids had a great time.  It was low key but the kind of day that makes for some good memories.  The girls got to have a sleepover with their cousin and I heard the girls giggling and talking well into the midnight hour.  I am normal the sleep nazi around here so I am pretty sure the girls thought I had lost my mind.

After the big birthday I kept reminding Baby that the next event was her Dr appointment.  I had warned the office at the boys appointment that they needed to make sure there were extra nurses on duty that day.  I had a feeling I would not be able to reason with Baby the way I had with Boogie (who was very brave and hardly shed a tear).  Once the nurse grabbed Baby's arm she freaked and it took three of us to hold her still.  The nurse kept saying "She is FREAKISHLY strong!".  For whatever reason, all of our kids are.  I'm pretty sure that's from Daddy.  I'm no slouch but I have never been accused of being freakishly strong.

Baby is continuing her trend of being my monster child.  She is 90% for height and 95% for weight.  They didn't check her head but I know its up there.  I am interested to see if she will tower over the other kindergarteners the way her sister did. (who is only 50% for height).

Speaking of kindergarten...Baby going to kindergarten is hitting me way harder than it did with Boogie.  I keep freaking out and wondering if she is ready.  My mom assures me that kids always rise to the occasion and that she rocked preschool.  She is just such a pistol.  I'm afraid she will be in trouble a lot more than Boogie was (which was once and she is still devastated).

Nevertheless, Baby is very excited.  Today we went to school to drop off last minute paperwork and Baby was telling everyone "This used to be Boogie's school but now it is MY school!"  I think she is ready.  My big girl!!!


15 Month Appointment

(Has nothing to do with the appt I just this this picture is HILARIOUS)
After almost 17 months of having twins, I have finally wised up.  For the boy's 15 month well check (yes we are behind) I left the girls with a babysitter and brought a helper (Auntie).  Auntie and I walked to get a coffee right before we went into the appointment.  As I opened the car for the diaper bag I put my coffee in the car which Auntie questioned.  I said "I can't manage the coffee.  You'll see!"

The thing about the appointments after about 8 months is that THEY REMEMBER.  So even something as simple as a weight check is akin to torture.  Buddy was clinging to me for dear life and that boy is STRONG.

Now take a look at my son.  Does he look like he has a weight problem to you?  Because the doctor is "slightly concerned" that his weight has jumped a percentile block at the last 4 appointments.  His current stats are 50% for height and 95% for weight.  You know who had those exact percentages?  Big sister (pictured above).  I explained this to the doctor and he said that if he had always been that way he would understand but the jump is what concerns him. 

I reminded him that my son is a twin and that he really struggled to gain weight the first few weeks and that he has finally reached his norm.  He honestly is not super chubby.  He is solid. 

The doctor then tried to say that it may be because I am still breastfeeding him.  Sorry...not buying it.  My body knows what he needs.  After we talked I think he was convinced.  I think sometimes doctors forget that there are two sets of genes in the pool here.  Buddy is built exactly like Daddy.  I am not worried.

Bunny was a lot easier at the appointment.  He was definitely nervous but he tends not to protest as loudly as brother.

I was very relieved to hear that he has grown 2 inches since his last appointment!  We were concerned at his 1 year because his height did not make a huge jump but he seems to be back on track.  I can't remember what percentage his height is but his weight is 25%.  Not to shabby for my little squinky!

The doctor was quite impressed with him and thinks he is doing great.  We have to schedule some bloodwork, and endo and another urologist apppointment but just for follow ups. 

From now on I will always try to bring a helper.  So much easier!

Tomorrow we are packing everything up for a day hike (with Grandpa and Auntie).  Should be a fun day!