Things have been progressing along pretty smoothly around here. I rarely have the 5 oclock mean mommy meltdown and unless I am reading something online the tears are few and far between. Today I set my record back to zero.
It started with Bunny's OT evaluation this morning. I feel like he is even further behind than I realized and that makes me feel like I have failed him. It's okay with me if he is behind because of his own genetic makeup but not if I feel like I have not been working hard enough with him. We started out in a good routine of getting all our exercises in and then the sicknesses and the mobility (Buddy) hit us and I'm lucky to get 3 a day in. So today I felt like a failure.
On top of that scheduling appointments completely stresses me out because it means I need to find childcare for at least Baby. I don't have a long list of help and I feel guilty asking people to help me when I can't offer anything in return. We don't have the money to hire anyone to help. It makes me feel helpless and I hate that.
The breaking point was realizing that I had to tell Baby that we can't go to her field trip tomorrow, lunch with the queen, because I have no one to watch the babies (siblings are not allowed). She was so sad and it broke my heart. She told me "My teacher will be so mad at you and will tell me to get a new mom who says yes to field trips". That was fun to hear.
I know this is a season and I know I am feeling sorry for myself but today just plain stinks.